The White Dress and Every Day


I’m in an odd phase where barely anything in my closet fits right now because of post-abdominal surgery bloat combined with the consequential decrease in my usual amount of physical activity and training. I went from 4 days of lifting and 4 days of HIIT, to a few slow walks per day, if i felt up for it.

It has been a maddening mind meltdown (Laura Lineback has heard my whining) to understand that a changing shape is 1) Perfectly OK, 2) Something to be embraced, and 3) An opportunity, not a challenge.

Now? I wear a lot more workout pants (than I already leisurely did) and things with billowy give.

And so, yesterday prompted the moment – the fork in the morning – to ask myself, “Just get by, or embrace it and do what you can in that moment to feel good the best way you can?”

So I put the damn dress on.

Another important question to ask: Why not every day? I did it for myself, and that’s pretty great. On that beautiful and summer-y Monday in the midwest, this thing finally got a tour around uptown Minneapolis, a fun little bookstore where Lex and I lingered, and a plane ride back home to my San Francisco. I’ve packed that dress on three trips now, always thinking I’ll wear it but knowing I probably wouldn’t.

And then it was great. I felt good in my own skin, which I haven’t felt since this past June when we started hacking at my intestines. If I was to be even more honest, I would say it was much earlier than that, as in August 2014, when the mysterious allergies started a journey that would take nearly a year to get down to the bottom of.

I’ve been trying to train my brain to scan for the Good, everyday, with intention, for going on 3 years now – I think the muscle gets stronger over time. And so, calling upon that resilience yesterday was most valuable. And that’s what was in my brain when I woke up this morning.


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